The California Times— Refusile: Paradise Gone Green

By Oscar DeGrouse

Early Thursday, November 22^nd, renowned oceanic explorer Charles Hobbs was the first to claim the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.  Through his efforts Hobbs has reaffirmed what many New Jersey residents have felt for years:  one man’s trash is another man’s property.  Hobbs named and founded his new country Refusile.  Standing proudly at the site of his soon to be oceanfront estate, Hobbs told us, “No matter where you go in this world, there is one absolute fundamental flaw with our society: we litter.  People are afraid to admit it, to take responsibility, but hell, I will,” Hobbs said, “because look around you.  It’s perpetual real estate.”  Hobbs believes his claim brings bold new ideas to the concept of “going green.”  “In a sense, we aren’t just recycling plastic bottles, oil, chemicals and cardboard boxes like you do in the blue bins in your kitchen, next to your houses and at university, because in this situation, the ocean is doing it for you by creating an entire island.  It’s a very exciting thing!”  

Hobbs’s enthusiasm is shared by his first mate: the Australian turned naturalized American, Nate Chapman.  “You see,” Chapman exclaimed in his thick Aussie accent, “this place we have is a lot like Hawaii.  It’s in the Pacific, we get great weather, and like the magma that keeps flowing out the ground on their island to make her bigger, the trash keeps flowing to ours to make it bigger.”  Chapman chucked an empty fifth overboard.  “I mean blimey.  It’s the only place in the entire world where littering actually improves your land value.”  Nate believes that it is a human being’s egotism that leads him or her to litter: “It’s a natural thing, you know.  Toss it.  Who cares where?  If somebody else don’t get it, nature will.  Problem solved.”

And according to Hobbs the problem has been solved.  Negotiations have begun for the purchasing of land on Refusile as happy immigrants flock to the island paradise.  And as city and island planning begins, Hobbs currently estimates land value at about 8,000 USD per acre.  “I expect those that buy early will get a better price.  As supply and demand dictates the late comers will have to pay a bit more.  What can I say?  The land is hot right now.”  And it shows little sign of stopping.  Of course oceanfront locations on Refusile naturally are a bit pricier, but Hobbs believes people will pay it.  “Your best bet is oceanfront.  The only part of the island that’s growing is the shorefront.”  Hobbs admits, however, that getting some areas on the island to perk “has raised a few minor issues.” 

Refusile, by low end estimates (270,000 sq miles) is roughly the size of Texas and nearly 27 times larger than Hawaii, making it the fourth largest Island in the world only to the 3^rd, 2^nd and 1^st largest  of Borneo, New Guinea and Greenland respectively.  “And it is only getting bigger!” Hobbs said with an entrepreneurial grin.      

We took the opportunity to interview one of the new residents while he was walking his canine companion, James Frederick Remington. “I am just enamored with the idea that we can do something with it.  I have always wanted to live by the ocean,” Terrance Hines, stated. “My friends back home were so jealous when I told them I was moving to an island paradise.”  Terrance cleaned up after his dog and happily tossed the baggie aside.  “It’s just perfect here.”

Sadly, not everything on Refusile is paradise.  “Currently our biggest problem is logistics,” Hobbs stated.  “We are an island, and we are in the middle of the Pacific.  It takes time to ship building supplies.”  But Hobbs is optimistic in Refusile’s success.  

In the middle of the Pacific is right.  Refusile, at 145° W and 37°N, is located in the Convergence Zone of the North Pacific Gyre: an area of the Pacific that is the largest contiguous ecosystems on the planet.  Hobbs anticipates the angling company Shureline will be looking to buy in as well.  “It’s a great place to catch some serious fish.  You might even find that when you get there, the fishing has already been done for you.”  Whatever the outcome of Hobbs’s endeavor he’s excited.  “You can pretty much guaranty that this island will be here for our children to grow up on and their children to grow up.  In other words, Refusile isn’t going anywhere.”

A California Times Publication